Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
