Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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