You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
