i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
