I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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