They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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