Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize