On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
