well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
