I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
