I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
