trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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