Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
