as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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