I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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