That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
