Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
