He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize