At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
