Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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