i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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