I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
did you just send me my own nude
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
