Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
