she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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