if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
