break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
