she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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