Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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