it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
