She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You smell like stripper and shame
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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