Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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