I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
