i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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