he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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