so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
