Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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