Betty ford says i'm here all night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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