I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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