Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
