I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
