Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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