fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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