You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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