Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
