worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize