Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
