dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
