I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
why do cheetos always look like penises
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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