I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
