I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am naked and annoyed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
