I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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