Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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