Sry I called you an 8
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
