OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
