I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
