I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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