I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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