I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
