I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
