last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Someone came in the potted fern
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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