I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
