i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
