i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
