Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
