Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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