Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
