We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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