life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
