In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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