so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hippo gnu deer
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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