my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
